The Sun Will Shine

I'm feeling MUCH better today..because I know you all were SO concerned about me, right? I hate being down in the dumps and some days it feels like I can't seem to dig myself out of the hole I'm in. But today, I'm feeling like I'm out of it. Finally. (Before any of you try to give me advice about anti-depressants, don't worry, I got that covered! I've suffered from PPD since I had Twinkletoes, and almost 4 years later, I still feel like I'm battling it..oh the joys of motherhood, right?)

Anyway..enough about my medical history. Let me tell you about the "gorgeous" July weather we are having here. I tried to take a picture for you, but it just did NOT capture the dreary, dread that is covering our small Ohio town. So I Googled "dreary day" and found this image that TOTALLY captures what it looks like here:



The rain has been falling for over 24 hours now, the air is thick with humidity, even though it's just over 60 degrees, and my basement is mildly flooded. I went down there this morning to put in a load of laundry, and because i wasn't paying attention got my feet soaked in slimy water when I got back to the corner where our washing machine is and where water always leaks in at when it rains hard. I should have known better, but hey, it was only 6:15 and I hadn't had any coffee yet!

I'm not going to let the weather get to me. The rain is actually much needed. My grass was turning brown, plants were wilting, and my pumpkin patch seemed to be at a stand still. As of this morning, there is a newness to the grass, my plants look much happier, and the few pumpkins that I have on my plants tripled in size! Rain, is truly nature's renewal.

I intend to spend my day finishing catching up the laundry I started yesterday. Watching "Elf", again, with my kids (they're obsessed let me tell you!), and getting psyched up for my birthday tomorrow. A day all about me..I can handle that! So long as my husband sends me romantic emails and my kids tell me I'm the "bestest mommy around"! And I know they will..because THAT is one thing they are good at doing for my birthday, and really..why should I even want to ask for more??

Its My Birthday And I'll Be Pissed If I Want To!

So I mentioned yesterday that Friday is my birthday. One year closer to 30. Believe it or not, I am actually VERY EXCITED to turn 30. As of Friday I'll have 3 more years to wait. I'm not wanting my life to fly by or anything, but because I started my family at 21, I am not living the typical life of a 20-something. I have responsibilities, and on the infrequent occasions that I do get to go "party", I am always paying for it the next day because a hangover + 3 kids is NOT very much fun.

Plus, with 30, there seems to be more an acceptance from other mothers. Well older mothers, that is. Sure I have friends my age who have kids, but a lot of the mothers I encounter at my children's activities are in their 30's and honestly, they treat me as "less of a mother" because I am still in my 20's. They do. Have any of you other younger mother's experienced this snobbery? It's not fun. Nor is it fair. And THEN when they find out that my husband is 11 1/2 years older than I am..well that always brings a whole new level of interesting looks and comments directed at me.

So, back to "Friday is my birthday." You see, I am big on making sure everyone in my life has a great birthday. Last year I threw a surprise party for my husband, just family, but he had never had one before, and I thought it would be fun to surprise him. I put a TON of effort into it. All the way to hiding homemade pizzas in our basement freezer, and buying the beer and liquor and hiding it as well. This year for my mom's I planned a fantastic menu and proceeded to give her "the best gift she had ever received."

Since I put so much effort into the birthdays for the people I love, is it so much to ask that they do the same for me? I love my husband to death, but being handed a gift still in the bag from the store it came from and a steak dinner (when I'm not even a huge steak fan) is not exactly putting much effort into it for me. But I know my husband, and I know that he really does try. He just doesn't quite "get it". Its my mom that is letting me down this year.

She stopped by last night and in the midst of our conversation she says,

"So, what do you want to do for your birthday?"

"Um..I don't know. Whatever."

"Well, do you want to go out? Do you want me to make something for dinner? What do you want me to get you. Just tell me," she proceeded to say.

"Mom, I don't know. I really don't. To be honest I hadn't even thought much about it. I've had a stressful day today."

"Well, you'll have to let me know so I'll know what to do."

Okay, I know it's nice that she is wanting to do something for me. But why do I have to plan it? I didn't ask her what SHE wanted to do for her birthday. I just said, "You need to come over here at 1pm, we'll have some appetizers, play some games, and then eat an early dinner." I mean it was HER day..she shouldn't have had to be worried about planning anything.

So, I'm just a bit down this year over my birthday. I found it incredibly discouraging that I am in charge of planning my own birthday. Again. I don't get why the people I love can't take notes from the birthday's I give them and give me the same in return. All I really want for my birthday is to be with my family and NOT have to plan anything. But that doesn't seem to be flying with them this year.

"Happy Birthday to me.."

PRAISE THE LORD..a little quieter please!!

I woke up this morning and actually one of the first thoughts on my mind was "what should I blog about today". I didn't really have anything new to share. My kids are still in residing in "Crab-O" land. I'm still thinking about starting up a new home business. I'm still working on transferring home videos..nothing new really.

I thought, maybe I'd share that my husband is working 12 hour shifts this week, but really, that's boring. He's only working about 2-3 extra hours / day. Nothing blog-worthy about that.

I have no more poop updates other than Twinkletoes is more regular now.

Hmm..what to blog about?

I poured a cup of coffee and went to sit outside on our breezeway to get away from my loud children and their movie that they have insisted on watching non-stop since yesterday afternoon, Elf. Yeah, that's right, the CHRISTMAS movie. I have "Baby It's Cold Outside" stuck in my head, and the fact that it's chilly here at the end of July is making it seem colder since I keep singing that song. So I went outside to get away from all the "Christmas cheer" and drink my coffee in peace.

I had just sat down and started to take a deep relaxing breath when I was startled almost out of my seat! By what do you ask? LOUD LOUD LOUD church music being played on a piano over probably the loudest loud speaker I have ever heard. And it has been going on non-stop now for about 30 minutes. Not that I'm against church music. I mean I love the Lord, and music played for Him is fantastic, but I really don't want to hear it at 8:15 in the morning while sitting on my breezeway trying to enjoy a cup of coffee.

You see, if you walk across our street and through our neighbor's yard..their property adjoins with a large church camp. And this church camp is held this year from July 23 - Aug. 2nd. (I had to go look it up to see how long I'd be enduring morning disturbances.) Our neighbors have warned us about this week since this will be our first summer living in this house. They said it's loud, the kids that attend it sometimes wander up onto our street and into our yards, and to make sure we keep our vehicles locked, because there is usually some thefts around the surrounding neighborhoods when this camp is going on. Great, huh? I personally couldn't see myself going to church camp and then robbing the neighbors, but I guess not all "Christians" have learned the "Thou Shalt Not Steal" commandment!

So..it looks like I'm in for an interesting week. Probably won't be much peace and quiet around here. Oh and I turn 27 on Friday. I'll blog about THAT tomorrow!

Blah..Well Maybe This Monday Isn't So Bad After All

Today, again, has been "one of those days". It started out with stress, the stress grew bigger, to the point where Punk got himself all worked up..started hitting everyone, calling everyone names, slamming doors and just being down-right unenjoyable. Needless to say, he's now grounded from all video and computer games for the rest of the day and has been informed if he acts up ONE MORE TIME he will lose them for tomorrow as well.

Twinkletoes, has done nothing but cry and whine all day. She refused to listen to me only moments ago when I told her to stop jumping off of our end tables, and fell off of one of them and bit a hole right through her tongue. The screaming coming out of her was ear-piercing and got even worse when I made the stupid mistake of mentioning that she was bleeding.

Ducky, well she is napping now, but before that, she just learned the word, "Cookie", and screamed it at the top of her lungs over and over again when I told her she would not be getting a second one after lunch.

The only good thing today was that I may have found a home business company that I actually KNOW I could thrive at, and am seriously considering joining it. (IF I can convince SB to let me spend the $99 to buy the Consultant kit.) I'll share more about that if I can convince him, and if I can't, well I'll give you the link to the consultant's site. I'd give it to you now, but in case I do join, I want to save it so I get the chance to win your business! ;) Seriously, this company seems PERFECT for me. I still have my "coaching" business, but I just am not passionate about it anymore. Sure I still work out, but I think I jumped into that when I was feeling really "gung ho" about exercise. It was not something that I had always had a passion for. But this other business, is something that I truly LOVE and every single person in my life loves too. So..we'll see. CROSS YOUR FINGERS THAT SB SAYS "YES"!

Mondays truly stink, but at least there was a good thing in mine.

Silly, That's Us!

I have very weird kids. They are extremely goofy and silly. And I absolutely love that about them. They don't care what people think, they just let loose, and be their strange little selves. And its not an attention thing, its just how they are. (They get it from their dad!)

Who knows??

Ducky..with a newborn Halloween hat on..in July!

This is how Ducky spends most of her day.. talking to and brushing our dog with a Barbie brush!

Um..yeah, Punk LOVES to pull up his pants like this and laughs like a hyena when he does! (He learned this trick from his dad..no comment!)

Punk with his "I'm pretending I'm mad" face after losing a game of "Mexican Horseshoes".

Here's to being silly! I am trying to take a lesson from my kids and enjoy life as much as they do.. they are ALWAYS true to their self!

I Need A Recharge!

I have been under a lot of stress lately between money concerns, and Twinkletoes' poop..I am a tearful mess about 45% of the day.

Twinkletoes' got "backed up" again this past weekend, and this time, she just COULD NOT get it out. She would scream, cry and smack me whenever I made her sit on the potty and just TRY to go. She was traumatized, I was traumatized, and SB kept Saying to me, "it's okay baby, I know how you feel".

"Really? You know how I feel? Were you the one in there watching our 3 1/2 year old baby girl in PAIN? No, you weren't, so don't even think you can tell me you know how I feel! "

And yes, I really said that to him. I was very stressed out and sick with worry and I didn't care how my words, and the tone I said them in hurt him.

But yesterday, an old acquaintance of mine, and now new long-distance true-blue "mommy friend" gave me advice via Facebook messages on a plan of action to take. I had Twinkletoes on laxatives, I had given her glycerin suppositories, and had just bought a bottle of mineral oil. All good approaches, but she needed that blockage out NOW before the laxatives would really be of help. So this friend of mine..suggested using an enema, and using is RIGHT AWAY!

Off to Kroger we went. When we got home, I explained it all to T, and she was nervous, but she was willing for me to give it a try. She was tired of being in pain. And it worked! She was thrilled, I was thrilled. And my mom, Grammy, came and picked her up after work and bought her a Barbie for being so brave.

I spent the morning, emailing back and forth with SB about what was going on and that I was going to do this enema. I told him how stressed I have been and how sorry I was that I had been taking a lot of it out on him. I know it wasn't fair to him. He was just trying to be encouraging with his words over the weekend, but I was worried sick and tired of being the one traumatizing our baby, and I felt like a HORRIBLE MOTHER for not being able to know how to help her without casing her so much pain.

I got an email in response and here is a little tidbit:

Babe, you are not a failure. YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER!!

I really do hope you have a good day, you deserve it. Once we are caught up again I would like you to take a day and go pamper yourself with a massage and whatever else you want to do to relax. I mean it, I really think you could use some me time for yourself.

He most certainly is right about THAT..and I am going to take him up on it. I haven't had a massage in years. I haven't taken a lot of "me" time..I mean what mother does, really? And so, once we get our finances back into some sort of order, I will be taking a "Jen Day" and will probably even see if a friend would like to tag along. Massage, lunch, shopping..something like that. I need to recharge, and this sounds just about right! And..I even told SB last night that this could be my birthday present from him to me. And what a great birthday present it will be!!

Well, At Least We're Not Homeless

I really dislike money. It taunts me. I swear to you it does. My husband has a decent paying job, decent enough for us to be able for me to stay home. But that does not mean that we have excess amounts of it. I don't get my nails done, I don't go tanning, I don't go shopping, we don't go on vacations or go on outings that cost more than a few dollars. Would I like for us to be able to do those things, sure I would! But we just can not afford them. We made the decision for me to stay home with our children when Punk was born. I didn't go to college, I had a decent enough job, but after looking into childcare while I was pregnant, and comparing it to my paycheck. I would have walked away at the end of the week with under $100 in my pocket. We made the decision that less than $400/month would not be enough of a help for our family to have me away from home and have our child and potentially future children spend 10 hours /day with someone who was not a family member. (At that time I had almost an hour commute.)

So, I became a stay-at-home mom. It started out great! When Punk was a baby I spent our days playing peek-a-boo on the living room floor, endless hours gazing into his eyes, and recording every new milestone in his baby book. After the initial adjustment to my life at home with this little person, I started to feel like I wasn't "pulling my share" of the work in our family. I started taking care of our home like it was a paying job (laundry not included in this, I still suck at laundry!), and I took up taking care of our bills.

Our bills are the thorn in my side. I absolutely hate doing them. I hate trying to figure out where our money needs to go, and all of that crap. I am not a "math person" to begin with so it's always been a challenge for me. My husband, on the other hand, is great at it, but for some reason leaves it all up to me. I do not want this job. Occasionally, he'll say, "Don't worry about the bills anymore, I'll take care of them." I'll hand him the bill binder that I put together, think he's finally ridding me of this horrid chore, only to find out that 2 weeks later he has yet to crack it open and I have to scramble to catch everything up.

But this is not the point of this post. I'm just ranting a bit. It seems like with money, we have our ups and down. We'll be going along just fine, everything paid up, a little extra for fun things, and then BOOM! We'll get hit with some big bill and we're stuck playing catch up. That's been us for the last 2 or 3 weeks. I hate catch up. It stresses us both out, and neither of us handle stress well. The idea of a savings account is a joke for us. We just don't have enough coming in to have that kind of safety net..yet. Bad, I know, but I don't think our situation is rare in this country.

So..we've been stressed out. We've been juggling bills. I've been having yard sales so we have a bit extra to pull us through this difficult time. Just one or two more weeks and it should be caught up, but that seems like an eternity to wait. Exhibit A being our phone/internet bill. It was due Friday. There's just not enough to cover it if we want to eat. So it'll probably have to be shut off until THIS Friday when SB's paycheck hits our bank account. Sucks, but there's just not much we can do about it. Feed our children, or be able to get online..hmm..that's a no brainer. We're not poor. We're just struggling. We'll be okay. We just have to get through this tough time.

I've cut us back a ton. We cut back our immense satellite package to a basic one. Funny thing about that is we only lost 4 channels that we actually watch. I'm looking into completely doing away with our home phone service and getting us a Magic Jack. Aldi's has become my favorite place to shop..although, I can't bring myself to buy their meat. I only turn on our central air on the days that the humidity is so bad it's suffocating. And I am regularly using coupons.

We believe that within the next 30-60 days we are going to have a major change (for the good) in the amount of money that is coming into our household, but that is not something I can give the specifics on publicly at this time..but when I can, I can not wait to share it with you all! But until then. I am hoping I don't go prematurely gray. I am hoping my husband doesn't have a stress-induced panic attack. And throughout it all, we're trying our darndest to keep our kids from realizing anything is amiss.

With 3 young children, and at the point we are at in our lives, I know that what we are going through is fairly common. It's just not any fun. And until things turn around, we'll just keep hanging in there. Holding on to our abundance of love. And praying so hard that things get better sooner rather than later.

Oh, I'm Rockin' It!

If you hadn't noticed my new profile picture. I got a hair cut. I decided to be a copy cat and have it cut exactly like Kate Gosselin. You know, the mother of 8 y/o twins and 5 y/o sextuplets. The soon-to-be ex wife of Jon. You know, from the show "Jon & Kate, Plus 8" on TLC. Are you following me yet?

Anyway..I knew in advance that it was not exactly a very "popular" cut as far as the media goes. I had read a comment recently that suggested maybe the kids had gotten loose with the scissors. Kathy Griffin dubbed it "just ridiculous". You know..regular run of the mill slamming of a mother. And in reality, that's what she is. A mother. Why people feel the need to pick her apart is really beyond me. Leave the poor woman alone..she's just trying to give her children a good life. I'll tell you, if TLC, or any network, came knocking on my door and wanted to film my family, and could pay me millions of dollars to allow them..you'd bet your booty you'd be watching us every Thursday at 8pm! ha!

Okay, so onto my own my own "Flock of Seagulls-humped-a-porcupine, reverse mullet weave" hair.

(let me just step down my my soap box)

I got my hair cut like her's last week. And I absolutely adore it. I already had my hair weaved blond so that was one step I didn't have to do. I went to Great Clips, of all places, with my $4.99 coupon in hand, said a little prayer, and hoped that it would turn out good. What I got, was pretty good. I still had to chop on it a little at home, but no biggie. I immediately updated my Facebook and Twitter status announcing my new hair. And then, ran to find my camera to post vanity pictures!

Here I am:


To be honest, it's even cuter now, because I looked at more of her pictures online, and realized I wasn't parting it far enough over on the one side to get more of the "flop" across my left eye. And I had to trim up the top some more to get more of the "spike". Yeah, I'm really loving this hair..did I mention that?

My husband, adores the haircut. Says its the best one I've ever had. "Very sexy." My friends and family all gave rave reviews as well. I was even told that "You put her (Kate) to shame." All the positive feedback relieved my worries that people would think it was stupid to copy someone who is so "in the spotlight" right now. You know, I didn't want it to be one of those "Rachel from Friends" things where EVERYONE was copying her, and no one really looked good in the cut except for Jen Aniston.

But yesterday, I found my first critic. I was sitting under my lovely shade tree in the front yard, messing around on Facebook, while holding a yard sale. A woman, got out of her vehicle and walked up. I glanced up and said "hello" and went back to what I was doing. She was dressed pretty shlumpy. Her hair was frizzy and pulled back in what I assume was supposed to be a pony tail, but had probably been slept on for 3 or 4 nights. I really don't judge people like that, but you just wait until you hear what she said and then you'll understand. She walked right up to me. Pointed at my head and said "Why in the hell would you do that to yourself? Or are you just a bitch like her (Kate)?"

What?? Seriously? Wow.

I didn't even respond to her. I mean how would YOU respond to that? I just looked back down at my laptop, and updated my Facebook status to, "is just WOW! Some lady (at my yard sale) just said to me, "Why in the hell would you do that to yourself? (pointing at my hair) Or are you just a bitch like her?" Really lady??? Little does she know while she's going back to her shopping that I'm calling her out on FB! mwah hahaha!!" It made me feel better. Not that she had hurt my feelings, but to be that blatantly rude to a perfect stranger. Bizarre.

Here were some of the comments that I received from friends:

Do people have brains anymore? Why would you say something like that to someone?

Little does she realize how ugly her arrogant and critical attitude make her. No hair style could make up for that.

I think you should blog about her too...Nasty!

I love your hair!!! She is just jealous!

It blows my mind how ignorant people are!

Obviously, I chose to take the advice to blog about her as well. So, Ms. I Haven't Combed My Hair In Days, So I Feel The Need To Make Myself Feel Better By Attempting To Humiliate Strangers, you did not humiliate me. You actually made me laugh. I know that I am rockin' this hairstyle. My husband thinks it's hot. My friends think it's cute. My mom even asked me for hairstyle advice since I apparently have "nailed the perfect hairstyle for my face". So by putting me down, in my own front yard, all you did was give me the fuel for a great blog post. SO THERE!!

A Time For Quiet

I love spending time with my husband. We usually sit outside together in the evenings after the kids are in bed, talking or playing Cribbage. It's good to sit together and unwind while enjoying each others company and conversation. We'll usually head inside around 10 or so and watch an hour of TV before snuggling down for the night and falling asleep. I truly love this time with SB, and couldn't imagine my life without him as my companion.

But then there are times when we're stressed and tired, and just not much fun to be around. Not that we're fighting or anything, just not really in the mood to talk. Last night was one of those nights. We put the kids to bed, I took a shower, and SB pulled out the laptop and started playing Texas Hold 'Em on Myspace. He never does stuff like that, and I know for him it was nice to just do his own thing. I had a book that I was trying to finish up ("Northern Lights" by Nora Roberts"), so I sat across from him at the table on the breezeway and fully immersed myself in the story.

We were comfortable. We were quiet. We were happy. Neither of us felt like we had to entertain the other. Neither of us felt like we had to sit and chat about the stresses in our life. We just enjoyed the peace and quiet, together, but separately. It was a great "re-charge". I looked at SB at one point and just felt this overwhelming rush of love. So I told him. He smiled, and I knew that he felt it too.

Sometimes when you've been with someone for so long, you just know what they need. Last night SB needed quiet. Last night he needed to do something indulgent, that as a father of 6 and sole provider for our family of 5, he rarely takes the time to do. And I was okay with that. More than okay really. It's nice to know that we can be together but still do our own thing without feeling left out.

Marriage is so awesome. You learn new things every single day. You go with the flow. Roll with the punches. And if the love is there, as well is should be since you decided to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with that person, you can be happy doing just any small thing as long as the love of your life is by your side!

Poop

What a fun weekend! I hope you all had a fun one too.

There was one part the weekend that was not so great. Twinkletoes' poop.

This poor child has constipation issues. And she is scared of the "poop that hurts" so she holds it in. That's what happened this weekend. Saturday she was practically lethargic the whole day. I gave her a child laxative in the morning to help, but all that did was let the poop that was already in her intestines to be smeared out around the blockage. After seeing her cry in pain. Take a nap to forget about the pain, and then proceed to spend the rest of the afternoon in the house on the couch while everyone else was outside laughing and playing. I had had enough. My poor little girl's fun weekend away from home was being ruined by poop! This was NOT going to happen ANYMORE!

So I did what I did not want to do. I did what she did not want me to make her do. I made her sit on the potty and scream through the pain until the poop came out. I felt like I was coaching her through childbirth. And what did eventually come out was SO HUGE that it CLOGGED UP THE TOILET!! I had to PLUNGE a 3 year old's poop!! Not cool!!

So now I am determined for this to never happen again. She has suffered with this issue long enough. I will no longer allow her to hold her poop in for days just to have this continue to happen.

Every morning, I vow to make her sit on the potty and get her poop out. She hates it. I hate having to make her do it. But, it's worth it for her not to have to continue to go through what she went through Saturday afternoon.

Have any of you had similar problems with their own child. Is there another way to help her through this fear of going poop? She has plenty of fiber in her diet. She just is scared to poop. And holds it in until it becomes a major blockage. Help a momma out, would ya??

Independence Day!

Just want to wish all of you lovely bloggers (and blog readers) a fantastic 4th of July weekend!

We are going to be busy with lots of family for the holiday so I will not be back until Monday!

Be safe. Enjoy good times. Good beverages! And hopefully FIREWORKS!!!

God bless our Country & our soldiers!!

Learning To Fly

Last week, Punk had to go to Kindergarten Camp all week from 12:30-3:30. I didn't blog about it at the time, just for privacy, but now that it's over, I wanted to share a bit about his experience.

Kindergarten Camp is something put on through the local schools to give the kids a run through of what Kindergarten will be like, get to know their teacher and some of their potential classmates (it is not decided yet what kids will be in AM or PM classes, so not all of the kids that he went to camp with will be in his class). They also incorporate Safety Town and a field trip into the week. I was VERY impressed with this program and I hope that local budget cuts do not affect this program by the time my girls get to Kindergarten age.

On the first day, Punk was very excited. He had been counting down the days for a week and when it finally got here, he could hardly control himself all morning waiting for lunch to be over so he could go to the school. But, when we got all loaded up in the van to take off, I looked at him and his eyes were filled with tears. When I asked him what was wrong he said, "I'm just a little nervous, and I am going to miss you guys so much!" I told him that we were going to miss him too, and I was sure that by the time I came back to pick him up, he'd probably be mad that it was time to go home already. That made him feel better and he never cried. Not even when we got to the school and his sisters and I had to leave him. I was a smart mom, and didn't try to give him a hug or kiss "goodbye". I gave him a high-five instead, and he seemed to really appreciate that!

When I went to pick him up, he was so excited telling me his stories for the day. He thought it was cool that he had gotten to have recess. And he even had a little homework assignment, which he took great pride in completing, with my help, after he had his after-school snack.

The whole week went by smoothly, and when it was all over he was upset that he'd have to wait a couple of months for "real school" to start. He's ready, and not scared at all, and to be honest, I am ready too! This week showed me that the 3 hours that he will be gone a day are really not THAT long, and although I will miss him around here all day everyday, the break will be good. He's ready to start learning and making friends. And I am ready to watch him grow and start to use his wings.

Now, I just have to fear 1st grade, when he'll be gone from me ALL day..THAT will be what gets me.