The Sun Will Shine

I'm feeling MUCH better today..because I know you all were SO concerned about me, right? I hate being down in the dumps and some days it feels like I can't seem to dig myself out of the hole I'm in. But today, I'm feeling like I'm out of it. Finally. (Before any of you try to give me advice about anti-depressants, don't worry, I got that covered! I've suffered from PPD since I had Twinkletoes, and almost 4 years later, I still feel like I'm battling it..oh the joys of motherhood, right?)

Anyway..enough about my medical history. Let me tell you about the "gorgeous" July weather we are having here. I tried to take a picture for you, but it just did NOT capture the dreary, dread that is covering our small Ohio town. So I Googled "dreary day" and found this image that TOTALLY captures what it looks like here:



The rain has been falling for over 24 hours now, the air is thick with humidity, even though it's just over 60 degrees, and my basement is mildly flooded. I went down there this morning to put in a load of laundry, and because i wasn't paying attention got my feet soaked in slimy water when I got back to the corner where our washing machine is and where water always leaks in at when it rains hard. I should have known better, but hey, it was only 6:15 and I hadn't had any coffee yet!

I'm not going to let the weather get to me. The rain is actually much needed. My grass was turning brown, plants were wilting, and my pumpkin patch seemed to be at a stand still. As of this morning, there is a newness to the grass, my plants look much happier, and the few pumpkins that I have on my plants tripled in size! Rain, is truly nature's renewal.

I intend to spend my day finishing catching up the laundry I started yesterday. Watching "Elf", again, with my kids (they're obsessed let me tell you!), and getting psyched up for my birthday tomorrow. A day all about me..I can handle that! So long as my husband sends me romantic emails and my kids tell me I'm the "bestest mommy around"! And I know they will..because THAT is one thing they are good at doing for my birthday, and really..why should I even want to ask for more??

Its My Birthday And I'll Be Pissed If I Want To!

So I mentioned yesterday that Friday is my birthday. One year closer to 30. Believe it or not, I am actually VERY EXCITED to turn 30. As of Friday I'll have 3 more years to wait. I'm not wanting my life to fly by or anything, but because I started my family at 21, I am not living the typical life of a 20-something. I have responsibilities, and on the infrequent occasions that I do get to go "party", I am always paying for it the next day because a hangover + 3 kids is NOT very much fun.

Plus, with 30, there seems to be more an acceptance from other mothers. Well older mothers, that is. Sure I have friends my age who have kids, but a lot of the mothers I encounter at my children's activities are in their 30's and honestly, they treat me as "less of a mother" because I am still in my 20's. They do. Have any of you other younger mother's experienced this snobbery? It's not fun. Nor is it fair. And THEN when they find out that my husband is 11 1/2 years older than I am..well that always brings a whole new level of interesting looks and comments directed at me.

So, back to "Friday is my birthday." You see, I am big on making sure everyone in my life has a great birthday. Last year I threw a surprise party for my husband, just family, but he had never had one before, and I thought it would be fun to surprise him. I put a TON of effort into it. All the way to hiding homemade pizzas in our basement freezer, and buying the beer and liquor and hiding it as well. This year for my mom's I planned a fantastic menu and proceeded to give her "the best gift she had ever received."

Since I put so much effort into the birthdays for the people I love, is it so much to ask that they do the same for me? I love my husband to death, but being handed a gift still in the bag from the store it came from and a steak dinner (when I'm not even a huge steak fan) is not exactly putting much effort into it for me. But I know my husband, and I know that he really does try. He just doesn't quite "get it". Its my mom that is letting me down this year.

She stopped by last night and in the midst of our conversation she says,

"So, what do you want to do for your birthday?"

"Um..I don't know. Whatever."

"Well, do you want to go out? Do you want me to make something for dinner? What do you want me to get you. Just tell me," she proceeded to say.

"Mom, I don't know. I really don't. To be honest I hadn't even thought much about it. I've had a stressful day today."

"Well, you'll have to let me know so I'll know what to do."

Okay, I know it's nice that she is wanting to do something for me. But why do I have to plan it? I didn't ask her what SHE wanted to do for her birthday. I just said, "You need to come over here at 1pm, we'll have some appetizers, play some games, and then eat an early dinner." I mean it was HER day..she shouldn't have had to be worried about planning anything.

So, I'm just a bit down this year over my birthday. I found it incredibly discouraging that I am in charge of planning my own birthday. Again. I don't get why the people I love can't take notes from the birthday's I give them and give me the same in return. All I really want for my birthday is to be with my family and NOT have to plan anything. But that doesn't seem to be flying with them this year.

"Happy Birthday to me.."

PRAISE THE LORD..a little quieter please!!

I woke up this morning and actually one of the first thoughts on my mind was "what should I blog about today". I didn't really have anything new to share. My kids are still in residing in "Crab-O" land. I'm still thinking about starting up a new home business. I'm still working on transferring home videos..nothing new really.

I thought, maybe I'd share that my husband is working 12 hour shifts this week, but really, that's boring. He's only working about 2-3 extra hours / day. Nothing blog-worthy about that.

I have no more poop updates other than Twinkletoes is more regular now.

Hmm..what to blog about?

I poured a cup of coffee and went to sit outside on our breezeway to get away from my loud children and their movie that they have insisted on watching non-stop since yesterday afternoon, Elf. Yeah, that's right, the CHRISTMAS movie. I have "Baby It's Cold Outside" stuck in my head, and the fact that it's chilly here at the end of July is making it seem colder since I keep singing that song. So I went outside to get away from all the "Christmas cheer" and drink my coffee in peace.

I had just sat down and started to take a deep relaxing breath when I was startled almost out of my seat! By what do you ask? LOUD LOUD LOUD church music being played on a piano over probably the loudest loud speaker I have ever heard. And it has been going on non-stop now for about 30 minutes. Not that I'm against church music. I mean I love the Lord, and music played for Him is fantastic, but I really don't want to hear it at 8:15 in the morning while sitting on my breezeway trying to enjoy a cup of coffee.

You see, if you walk across our street and through our neighbor's yard..their property adjoins with a large church camp. And this church camp is held this year from July 23 - Aug. 2nd. (I had to go look it up to see how long I'd be enduring morning disturbances.) Our neighbors have warned us about this week since this will be our first summer living in this house. They said it's loud, the kids that attend it sometimes wander up onto our street and into our yards, and to make sure we keep our vehicles locked, because there is usually some thefts around the surrounding neighborhoods when this camp is going on. Great, huh? I personally couldn't see myself going to church camp and then robbing the neighbors, but I guess not all "Christians" have learned the "Thou Shalt Not Steal" commandment!

So..it looks like I'm in for an interesting week. Probably won't be much peace and quiet around here. Oh and I turn 27 on Friday. I'll blog about THAT tomorrow!

Blah..Well Maybe This Monday Isn't So Bad After All

Today, again, has been "one of those days". It started out with stress, the stress grew bigger, to the point where Punk got himself all worked up..started hitting everyone, calling everyone names, slamming doors and just being down-right unenjoyable. Needless to say, he's now grounded from all video and computer games for the rest of the day and has been informed if he acts up ONE MORE TIME he will lose them for tomorrow as well.

Twinkletoes, has done nothing but cry and whine all day. She refused to listen to me only moments ago when I told her to stop jumping off of our end tables, and fell off of one of them and bit a hole right through her tongue. The screaming coming out of her was ear-piercing and got even worse when I made the stupid mistake of mentioning that she was bleeding.

Ducky, well she is napping now, but before that, she just learned the word, "Cookie", and screamed it at the top of her lungs over and over again when I told her she would not be getting a second one after lunch.

The only good thing today was that I may have found a home business company that I actually KNOW I could thrive at, and am seriously considering joining it. (IF I can convince SB to let me spend the $99 to buy the Consultant kit.) I'll share more about that if I can convince him, and if I can't, well I'll give you the link to the consultant's site. I'd give it to you now, but in case I do join, I want to save it so I get the chance to win your business! ;) Seriously, this company seems PERFECT for me. I still have my "coaching" business, but I just am not passionate about it anymore. Sure I still work out, but I think I jumped into that when I was feeling really "gung ho" about exercise. It was not something that I had always had a passion for. But this other business, is something that I truly LOVE and every single person in my life loves too. So..we'll see. CROSS YOUR FINGERS THAT SB SAYS "YES"!

Mondays truly stink, but at least there was a good thing in mine.

Silly, That's Us!

I have very weird kids. They are extremely goofy and silly. And I absolutely love that about them. They don't care what people think, they just let loose, and be their strange little selves. And its not an attention thing, its just how they are. (They get it from their dad!)

Who knows??

Ducky..with a newborn Halloween hat on..in July!

This is how Ducky spends most of her day.. talking to and brushing our dog with a Barbie brush!

Um..yeah, Punk LOVES to pull up his pants like this and laughs like a hyena when he does! (He learned this trick from his dad..no comment!)

Punk with his "I'm pretending I'm mad" face after losing a game of "Mexican Horseshoes".

Here's to being silly! I am trying to take a lesson from my kids and enjoy life as much as they do.. they are ALWAYS true to their self!

I Need A Recharge!

I have been under a lot of stress lately between money concerns, and Twinkletoes' poop..I am a tearful mess about 45% of the day.

Twinkletoes' got "backed up" again this past weekend, and this time, she just COULD NOT get it out. She would scream, cry and smack me whenever I made her sit on the potty and just TRY to go. She was traumatized, I was traumatized, and SB kept Saying to me, "it's okay baby, I know how you feel".

"Really? You know how I feel? Were you the one in there watching our 3 1/2 year old baby girl in PAIN? No, you weren't, so don't even think you can tell me you know how I feel! "

And yes, I really said that to him. I was very stressed out and sick with worry and I didn't care how my words, and the tone I said them in hurt him.

But yesterday, an old acquaintance of mine, and now new long-distance true-blue "mommy friend" gave me advice via Facebook messages on a plan of action to take. I had Twinkletoes on laxatives, I had given her glycerin suppositories, and had just bought a bottle of mineral oil. All good approaches, but she needed that blockage out NOW before the laxatives would really be of help. So this friend of mine..suggested using an enema, and using is RIGHT AWAY!

Off to Kroger we went. When we got home, I explained it all to T, and she was nervous, but she was willing for me to give it a try. She was tired of being in pain. And it worked! She was thrilled, I was thrilled. And my mom, Grammy, came and picked her up after work and bought her a Barbie for being so brave.

I spent the morning, emailing back and forth with SB about what was going on and that I was going to do this enema. I told him how stressed I have been and how sorry I was that I had been taking a lot of it out on him. I know it wasn't fair to him. He was just trying to be encouraging with his words over the weekend, but I was worried sick and tired of being the one traumatizing our baby, and I felt like a HORRIBLE MOTHER for not being able to know how to help her without casing her so much pain.

I got an email in response and here is a little tidbit:

Babe, you are not a failure. YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER!!

I really do hope you have a good day, you deserve it. Once we are caught up again I would like you to take a day and go pamper yourself with a massage and whatever else you want to do to relax. I mean it, I really think you could use some me time for yourself.

He most certainly is right about THAT..and I am going to take him up on it. I haven't had a massage in years. I haven't taken a lot of "me" time..I mean what mother does, really? And so, once we get our finances back into some sort of order, I will be taking a "Jen Day" and will probably even see if a friend would like to tag along. Massage, lunch, shopping..something like that. I need to recharge, and this sounds just about right! And..I even told SB last night that this could be my birthday present from him to me. And what a great birthday present it will be!!

Well, At Least We're Not Homeless

I really dislike money. It taunts me. I swear to you it does. My husband has a decent paying job, decent enough for us to be able for me to stay home. But that does not mean that we have excess amounts of it. I don't get my nails done, I don't go tanning, I don't go shopping, we don't go on vacations or go on outings that cost more than a few dollars. Would I like for us to be able to do those things, sure I would! But we just can not afford them. We made the decision for me to stay home with our children when Punk was born. I didn't go to college, I had a decent enough job, but after looking into childcare while I was pregnant, and comparing it to my paycheck. I would have walked away at the end of the week with under $100 in my pocket. We made the decision that less than $400/month would not be enough of a help for our family to have me away from home and have our child and potentially future children spend 10 hours /day with someone who was not a family member. (At that time I had almost an hour commute.)

So, I became a stay-at-home mom. It started out great! When Punk was a baby I spent our days playing peek-a-boo on the living room floor, endless hours gazing into his eyes, and recording every new milestone in his baby book. After the initial adjustment to my life at home with this little person, I started to feel like I wasn't "pulling my share" of the work in our family. I started taking care of our home like it was a paying job (laundry not included in this, I still suck at laundry!), and I took up taking care of our bills.

Our bills are the thorn in my side. I absolutely hate doing them. I hate trying to figure out where our money needs to go, and all of that crap. I am not a "math person" to begin with so it's always been a challenge for me. My husband, on the other hand, is great at it, but for some reason leaves it all up to me. I do not want this job. Occasionally, he'll say, "Don't worry about the bills anymore, I'll take care of them." I'll hand him the bill binder that I put together, think he's finally ridding me of this horrid chore, only to find out that 2 weeks later he has yet to crack it open and I have to scramble to catch everything up.

But this is not the point of this post. I'm just ranting a bit. It seems like with money, we have our ups and down. We'll be going along just fine, everything paid up, a little extra for fun things, and then BOOM! We'll get hit with some big bill and we're stuck playing catch up. That's been us for the last 2 or 3 weeks. I hate catch up. It stresses us both out, and neither of us handle stress well. The idea of a savings account is a joke for us. We just don't have enough coming in to have that kind of safety net..yet. Bad, I know, but I don't think our situation is rare in this country.

So..we've been stressed out. We've been juggling bills. I've been having yard sales so we have a bit extra to pull us through this difficult time. Just one or two more weeks and it should be caught up, but that seems like an eternity to wait. Exhibit A being our phone/internet bill. It was due Friday. There's just not enough to cover it if we want to eat. So it'll probably have to be shut off until THIS Friday when SB's paycheck hits our bank account. Sucks, but there's just not much we can do about it. Feed our children, or be able to get online..hmm..that's a no brainer. We're not poor. We're just struggling. We'll be okay. We just have to get through this tough time.

I've cut us back a ton. We cut back our immense satellite package to a basic one. Funny thing about that is we only lost 4 channels that we actually watch. I'm looking into completely doing away with our home phone service and getting us a Magic Jack. Aldi's has become my favorite place to shop..although, I can't bring myself to buy their meat. I only turn on our central air on the days that the humidity is so bad it's suffocating. And I am regularly using coupons.

We believe that within the next 30-60 days we are going to have a major change (for the good) in the amount of money that is coming into our household, but that is not something I can give the specifics on publicly at this time..but when I can, I can not wait to share it with you all! But until then. I am hoping I don't go prematurely gray. I am hoping my husband doesn't have a stress-induced panic attack. And throughout it all, we're trying our darndest to keep our kids from realizing anything is amiss.

With 3 young children, and at the point we are at in our lives, I know that what we are going through is fairly common. It's just not any fun. And until things turn around, we'll just keep hanging in there. Holding on to our abundance of love. And praying so hard that things get better sooner rather than later.